2moro gonna be shar's birthday but i can't celebrate for her coz i'm working. hais~ never mind think gonna celebrate wif her next monday ba? ohya! DR. merlvin is back le! haha! gave chocolates to me! my favourite chocolates somemore! my days at polyclinic become more lively wif him around coz he's de only doctor i'm most comfortable communicating wif le. he's a nice and friendly doctor! changed blogsong again. think dis song suits my mood de best now le ba? actually wana put jay chou de cai hong want but think dis song more suitable. i'm still de same, emo-ing. i zhen de wana cheer up and be dat happi and cheerful jessica all of you knew but till today i'm only jus forcing myself to smile. although those cryings are starting to subside, de pain is still there. perhaps i need more time ba. sometimes i jus feel like crying all out loud like nobody's business but i couldn't find a suitable shoulder. i noe i can go find him and he'll be always willing to lend me his shoulders but i dun wana give him de wrong idea again. i scared dat when i see shar i will breakdown. i dun noe. jus feel dat she will understand me and wat i'm going through now de most. i realli put an end to all these emo-ings but it's difficult. for dis one year, my life became more colourful coz of him. my life had revolved around him. he used to be my pillar of support. i miss him. i realli miss him a lot. seriously, i never stop missing him ever since we broke up.
is dis fate i'm destined to have?
of coz i noe a chance is wat you want but it's soo unfair to you if i were to give you dis chance now. he still lies in my heart. i can still feel his presence in my heart. surely you wouldn't want me to be still thinking of him while i'm wif you right?! i'm sorri to break my promise to you again. perhaps i'm being cruel to you now but i jus dun wana leave down anymore regrets. i want you have a clean and clear jessica by ur side, and not a jessica who is still thinking of X. i can only thanks you for being by my side when my life turned drastically. ur shoulders are always soo approachable. ur advises and comforts never fail to reach me. you are a great guy and i'm glad to have you by my side. i admit dat i had once neglected you. you were jus by side but i didn't realised it coz i was blinded by love at dat time. i give no excuse for dat. but for now, you are the best person i can confide to coz you are de only guy i can trust now. i think i will never ever find another such a patient guy like you le ba? honestly speaking, i'm realli shocked by ur patience towards me all these while. i noe i had been thinking and behaving stubbornly all these while which made you feel frustrated. however, you did not give up on me. you made me feel dat i'm not fighting dis battle alone. dis is wat dat touches me de most too. i would say i would only give you dat chance when i have realli put X aside of my life. if true love realli lies in us, time will prove everything. forgive me for not being able to tell you all these stuffs face to face coz i'm guilty for not treating you back de same way you are treating me now.
