stayed at home these few days and tried mugging realli hard. saw my secondary class photo and came about a lot of things. dis 6months was indeed a turnover for me. i experienced and grew up tremendously during dis period. all these thinkings made me wonder am i a failure in relationship? someone told me dat handling a relationship is like taking control of sand. my life had never been soo fulfilling ever since i entered poly. no doubt dat de times in poly realli made me forget about de pain of losing X. however, de pain is still there. no matter how much comfort, how much console, i noe myself de best. i noe simply well dat de pain had not scar-ed. i'm afraid, i'm scared. once bitten, twice shy. i feel like i'm jus like a mouse. i only wana hide away from de reality. reality is cruel. i wana find back my smiles but it's difficult.